Dear Father, a storm has been raging and the ship isn’t doing so well; the captain says that we’re two days journey away from an island called Oahu to get repairs. Then we’ll set sail for England again. kaboom!!!!!!!! Uh oh! Looks like we ran into some pirates. Alright gotta run; hopefully I’ll still send letters. Bye!
Dear Fritz, we have had the same storm. Franz is starting to believe that Swift is sick with horse flu and your ostrich was swallowed by another boa-constrictor about seven and a half feet long. It was very disgusting and repulsive to watch it just swallow it down. Franz cried about it. Then being very handy with a gun now, promptly shot it dead and skinned it.
Dear Father, Fritz got a new eagle. He found an eagle nest with a clutch of eggs in it. So he picked two up, brought them back to the ship, and gave one of them to me. He killed another shark, this time it was a whale shark. It was about to smash our ship; Fritz very swiftly killed it and asked the captain for a skiff to retrieve the carcass and skin it for boots and jackets and whatnot. I hope Swift is feeling well.
Dear Ernest and Fritz, I have decided that we are going on an adventure today; we are going to go and get some more ostrich eggs to hatch and do our bidding. We think that it will take around two-ish months for them to hatch and maybe a year be fore they can be trained for riding and carrying heavy items.
Dear Father we, have met a pretty little girl named Lily on the ship. She says that we are a day away from England. We’ve been traveling three and a half months to get home to see family and friends and to be home. Lily is a rich and generous girl; she gave us ten thousand pounds (that means money)! Now we can get jobs and raise new family’s and they can get jobs and raise their own family’s and so on.
Love Ernest and Fritz
Dear Fritz and Ernest, I am glad you’ve made some new friends. I hope that you are well and healthy. I hope that when you get to England that Fritz finds a girl named Adah Corito and Ernest should find a girl named Fiona Montala to befriend. Have fun in England!
Dear Fritz and Ernest, your mother has given birth to a baby sister! I hope you can come and visit sometime soon so that you can see her. Falconhurst got hit by lightning; it’s okay though. It’s slightly burnt, but still in good condition.
Dear Fritz and Ernest, you are probably wondering what your sister’s name is; her name is Eisley. And she is just the cutest little thing you have ever seen! She has cute little fingers and cute little toes and the biggest most beautiful brown eyes and the cutest little belly button! Your father says that he loves you and I love you too.
Dear Mother, I am so happy that we have a new sibling! We’ve just discovered a type of animal called a honey-badger! Its fascinating! We have arrived in England and there are some fascinating things here! I found a pet store to work in; it sells horses, dogs and cats.
Dear Ernest, the Gap has a barricade now! It is made of wood, bamboo and bird lick to keep the birds trapped and to make our winter stock ready so we don’t die of starvation. The ostrich eggs have hatched! They are remarkably white. Two of them died and one lived; we named it Erie! He is incredibly soft and daft; it is incredibly strange and funny to watch Erie chase Fangs around thinking the golden jackal is his mother!
Dear Father and Mother, Fritz and I have been waiting a year for you and you haven’t come. Where are you? Why haven’t you come? We have been waiting for ages for you to answer. We sincerely plead with you to answer and calm us. We greatly miss you and love you to your core. We are deeply excited that we have a new sibling! Please tell Jack that we invite him to live with us. We also are deeply saddened that our poor ostrich has died. We congratulate Franz on slaying that serpent of great size.
Love Ernest and Fritz
And so it began, the baby crisis. Dun dun dunnnnnnddd! Eisley has reached the terrible twos!
Dear Ernest and Fritz, I’m sorry I haven’t been sending letters. Your mother still needs help with Eisley and we’ve been incredibly busy so I can’t send letter as frequently as normal.
Dear Father, how are you? We have had many a thing going on this month. We would like you to write us a letter each month so that we can have a schedule and don’t really have to be rushed around anymore.
And so it begins…the letters end and stories begin. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnn!
Ernest was deeply upset that Franz, his youngest brother, was feeling lonely. He could just feel it; so he wrote a letter. It goes like this:
Dear Franz, I greatly miss you and new Switzerland. I hope that you, Jack, Mother and Father are well and prosperous.
Ernest felt better after he wrote it and promptly sent it. The next morning he received a letter from Jack that told him that he was coming to live with Ernest and Fritz. This made Ernest even more relieved to hear that one of his brothers were coming. His next thought was to tell his older brother that Jack was coming and to make a bed for him. This he thought was a splendid idea in which he would start in the hour. It took around two hours to find the right amount of wood to make a bed frame and then another hour or so to find a big bag of feathers and a lot of cloth to make the mattress. Finally it was done.
Then he could start on making the fun part, building a hot air balloon. He, Fritz, and Jack could go in it and have an enormous amount of fun. It took three days to make the basket. When that was done, he hired a seamstress to make the balloon out of a very strong fabric called kevlar. Then he payed a blacksmith to make a round steel cylinder with a hole in the bottom. Then he hired a chandler to make an extremely large candle to fit in the hole in the cylinder. After all that was done, Ernest bought five coils of rope to lash the balloon to the basket, made his own sandbags, and waited for Jack to arrive.
Ernest ended up waiting twenty-four hours for Jack to arrive. When he did arrive, he called to his brothers and told them about what he had been doing for the last three days and six hours. He led the two to the hot air balloon and sailed off into the night; the three of them were finally free of the cramped house and ready for their next adventure.
Dear Readers, I hope you enjoyed this story! Stay tuned for the next sequel of “The Swiss Family Robinson,” a production by Courben Shoemaker. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have.